My phases

It is said that first impression is the last impression. My first impression is bad. So bad that it shows none of my virtues. It only highlights my worst aspects in difficult situations. Not confident, immature and not very smart. I am not a good conversationalist either. I will search for words to come out of my mouth. If something comes up, it is usually crap. I hope that I can change that. In my fantasies, I am a smooth criminal. But like almost all fantasies, that is far from the truth. In reality, it is like a comedy movie that relies on dark humour that is my life. It sucks. If you meet me again sometime and come to know me, I am sure you will find out that I am nothing like my first impression.

There are other dangers if you come to know me. You can get hurt, physically. Psychologically, it is bound to have a bad impact on you. You might think that I am a very cool person but really, that is a depressed version of me who has accepted the truth. I have figured out that I have three phases. Phase 1 is a cool guy. He has hope that the world can make him happy. Phase 2 is a buffer situation. Phase 1 guy has been hit with the truth and reality is sinking in. He is not cool at all. He is afraid of the things to come. Hope is starting to dwindle and he can either deny the truth and go to phase 1 where he still has hope or accept the reality and go to phase 3. Phase 3 guy is the ultra chill person to meet but he knows the truth and is depressed because of it. He knows that he will never be happy in life. I don’t know who to be: Phase 2 is not an option, there is no control over that. All I can choose between is Phase 1 and Phase 3. Phase 1 has hope. Phase 3 has the truth. What should I do?

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